


The Yellow Birds

by madrmtg



Category: The Yellow Birds - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Army, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Military, Sex, Smut, m/m - Freeform, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-09 16:44:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19479940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madrmtg/pseuds/madrmtg
Summary: Both Murphy and Bartle knew they could loose their lives or each other at any time, so they couldn't get themselves to waste time for no reason. They had to cherish every moment they had, while they were still alive.





	The Yellow Birds

The music was blowing and the lights were dancing at it's rhythm, as well as the rest of all the other soldiers, and Murphy and I, Brandon Bartle, were no exception. Tomorrow we were going to move to another base and explore another city in Iraq, so we, privates, were holding a party for the last time in that base.

I put my arm around Murphy's shoulders to get him close enough to me so I could speak up, "Hey Murphy, you see that chick over there?" I pointed to a dancing brunette, with a beer on my hand, "I think she's completely fallen for you," she looked at us, and as soon as she realised we were talking about her she smiled and turned back to her friends, "she's always looking at you" I finished and took a sip on my beer. He smiled at the thought, she wasn't bad. Actually, she was very pretty.

"I think you should go ask her to dance" I said. He turned his face to me, with a 'no-way' look written all over his face. "C'mon man, we could die tomorrow, or she could die tomorrow. This place could be blown away, any one of us could get shot anytime. You never know, grab the chances you get. If I were you, I'd never let a beauty like that escape" I said.

I really wanted him to have a fun night, and that girl seemed like she could pull it off, she had a nice body. I just wanted Murphy to get his mind a little off the army before the next day. I took my arm off him and took another big sip on my beer, never taking my eyes off him, maybe to provoke him in some way? I didn't know.

"Go get her, tiger" I smirked. _Go get her, tiger._ Go _get her, tiger._ My own words didn't leave my head. _Go get her, tiger. Go get **him** , tiger._ Anyone _of us could get shot anytime. We could die tomorrow._ I should...

Murphy suddenly grabbed my wrist and dragged me out of the party, taking me to our dormitories. I took one last sip on my bottle and threw it to the ground. I didn't know what he was thinking, but I didn't mind it. At all.

As soon as we got there he turned on the light and pushed me to the wall, wrapping his arms around my waist and grabbing my butt with his hands. He looked me in the eyes and brought our faces closer. I bet I was red like a tomato, due to all the alcohol I drank, but the biggest part of that redness was definitely embarrassment, the good kind of embarrassment. I hoped he didn't notice. I needed him at that moment. And I knew very well it could be the last one. He was still gazing at my eyes, and I at his. 'Go get him, tiger.' I thought once again, although my body didn't move. I wanted to see what he'd do.

Not long after, Murphy pressed his lips softly on mine. I didn't react at all, I wanted to see what he was capable of. I opened my mouth slightly, to get a better grip of his lips and his taste. Alcohol. He tasted like alcohol, a whole lot of different types of alcohol. He touched my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue, as if asking for permission. I didn't exactly say no, and honestly I think I opened my mouth slightly so he could do what he wanted to. So he wrapped his tongue around mine and made them dance with each other the way we were a few moments before. I was playing along. He then had to back a little away to gasp for air. I still didn't move.

"What exactly are you doing?" I finally spoke up.

"What you told me to. You're the one who said it, aren't you? That we could die anytime, so we should grab our opportunities when we get them" he said.

I realised I couldn't hold back any longer, I needed to have him in that moment. It was my turn to play a little bit with him.

"Then, I'll make sure that doesn't happen," I started, "so I can do this with you some more times" I smirked maliciously before turning him around and pushing him to the wall this time, pressing our bodies together. I grabbed his legs and put them around my waist, holding him up with my hands on his butt. He wrapped his arms around my neck. I pressed our lips together one more time and moved my waist against his, again and again. I felt his face heat up, as well as his cock, what I immediately recognized as a boner. I knew what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing _to him_.

"Hurry," he said, "p-please..." I wanted him. Very, very badly. I'm sorry, Daniel Murphy, but tonight you're gonna be mine.

I smiled against his lips, and held him up harder, just so I could back away from the wall and carry him to his bed, throwing him at it. I laid myself on top of him and he put his legs around my waist once again. I finally took my shirt off, exposing all of my chest and abdominal muscles. He was staring, I liked it. Then I took his own shirt off and stared as well, it's not like it was the first time I was seeing him shirtless, but this time it all felt more intense, maybe because we knew it could be the first and last time. I ran a hand through his chest, caressing his left nipple with my thumb on the way. I wasn't going to let any of that masterpiece he called body be unappreciated. After that I put both my hands on his face and started kissing him again, and started moving my waist against his one more time, now rubbing his member on mine. "P-please..." He plead. I smirked, my mouth still glued to his. "You better not die tomorrow" I teased. I unzipped my uniform pants and took my lips away from his, lowering my head and leaving wet kisses on his jaw, on his neck, then to his nipples, sucking them a little bit, then down to his belly, and finally to his lower abdomen, next to his pants bar. He moaned slightly, holding my head with one of his hands while the other grabbed the sheet fiercely. I lowered his uniform pants along with his boxers, exposing his wet boner. I didn't waste a second, I took it immediately with my hand and then mouth, moving my head up and down, rolling my tongue all the way up and down, licking especially the tip of his cock.

"A-hahhhh" He moaned. I knew how to make a person go crazy, be it a man or a woman, and I was perfectly aware I sucked like an angel. "Bar-" He tried to warn me, I knew what he wanted to say, and while it is true I wasn't expecting it'd be so soon, I knew exactly how to tease him a little bit.

I took my mouth off his cock immediately, now taking it with my hand, moving it up and down again and rubbing the tip firmly with my thumb. Motherfucker, I bet that's what he was thinking.

"I'm- I'm gonna..." he tried to say it one more time, but failed. I put it on my mouth once again, sucking twice as hard than before. "HMMM- Ahh-" he tried to keep quiet as I felt the hot liquid filling my mouth. He just came inside my mouth. Why did I enjoy it so much? "I'm... Sorry" he apologized. I smiled, swallowed and then kissed him voraciously. He widened his eyes, they seemed teary. Why was that? I didn't know, but I felt I shouldn't ask.

"How's that? How do you taste?" I teased him one more time. He just slightly laughed from under his breath. I then unzipped my own pants and undressed both my pants and my black boxers, throwing it all away. I put his legs around my waist one more time and took two fingers to his mouth. "Your turn" I declared, meaning I wanted him to lick them. So he did, while staring at me right in the eyes, to provoke me.

"Fuck" I said, he grinned. Murphy, you motherfucker. I knew he wasn't exactly innocent, because no man is innocent at age 18, but I didn't expect him to know how to tease me back. I felt the height on my pants grow even higher, and I felt my whole body burning from excitement. I took my fingers off his mouth once I thought was good enough and rubbed them around his entrance, causing him to moan not-so-quietly. Was it his weak spot? I asked myself and couldn't avoid a smile at that idea. I then without any warning put one of my fingers inside him, and then the other.

"F-ahh... You c.. You could've warned me!"

I laughed, "what would be the fun in that?" I asked, amused.

I started moving my fingers like scissors to loosen the grip of his butt hole. He was really tight, even for an 18 year old. Was he a virgin? He moaned one more time before I kissed him so he would stay quiet. If he were a virgin we were most likely in trouble because he probably wouldn't be able to control his voice. I had to keep him quiet because we both knew anyone could hear us if they came outside the party tent, where the music wasn't as loud.

"This may hurt a little" I warned - because not doing so this time would just be mean, I knew it would hurt him - before entering him with my hard member. At the same time I pressed my lips on his, I knew he was going to moan, and I knew I myself was going to do the same, so for both of our sakes, I pressed our lips together. It still wasn't enough.

"A-Hah....Hmmm.." he grabbed my back and scratched it and even bit my lip due to the pain he was feeling, that did hurt and would most likely make me bleed from my lip, but I didn't mind. I hoped he didn't notice, I didn't want him to feel guilty.

I started moving my waist back and forth, accelerating my pace. I moaned, and so did he. How did he do it? How could he make me want him even more?

"Murphy, I... I'm gonna... Haah..." I tried to tell him, but I couldn't in time. I felt the hot liquid leave my body and spread inside him. I took my cock out of him, accidentally spreading a little bit of 'me' on the sheets, "Shit" I said as I laid next to him, leaning my forehead on his. "I'm sorry".

He smiled, "Don't be."

I closed my eyes, feeling my head heavy. I was tired and sleepy, but I regretted nothing. I would do it all over again and again, if I could. If only we could lay like that forever. If only he didn't have to be sent to death the next day.

"I don't want this to be a part of me" he declared.

I lifted my head to look at him. "What?" I asked, confused.

"This, the army... I don't want it to be a part of who I am, I want to have a life, a family, a job..." he said with a shaky voice. Was he crying?

"It doesn't have to be... You're still young, you still have your whole life ahead of you, you can be whoever you want, become whatever you want to become, this doesn't have to be a part of you, Murph."

I embraced his head with my arms and he laid it on my chest, wrapping his own arms around my back, probably feeling all the stretches he left there.

"I'm sorry" he apologized.

"Don't be" I said, using the same words he did.

Say it. Brandon Bartle, say those three words. Say it. Say it. Say it. I love you. Please. Just say it. Say it out loud. Why couldn't I say them out loud? Maybe I couldn't say those three words because I didn't want our friendship to get awkward? It's always been Bartle and Murphy, ever since Sargeant put us together as privates. The only thing I never knew was that Murphy felt the same thing. I waited for him to fall asleep. I couldn't fall asleep with him, as badly as I wanted to, because then the other privates would make a fuss about it. I didn't mind, I didn't care, but I did it for Murphy, he didn't deserve spending the next few weeks being treated like shit by the other soldiers. As soon as he fell asleep I sneaked out of his bed, I put his pants back on so he wouldn't wake up naked. I didn't mind the shirt, all men sleep shirtless sometimes so it wouldn't be much of a deal. I headed to my bed to get some rest myself. The next day I woke up while everyone else in the dormitory was still asleep, including Murphy. Seeing him sleep like that... I figured maybe I should back away. His words from last night crawled into my head, "I want to start a family", "I don't want this to be a part of me". If we got too close the army would be a part of him, because I would be a part of his life. I couldn't let that happen. So I should... Just back off. I made my bed and then headed into the bathroom to take a shower and then get breakfast. It was going to be a big, long day.

Once we started moving out the base, some privates started singing some chores, like the "Yellow Bird" one, for example. The squads were all on formation, so Murphy was on my right side and Sargeant right after us.

"Hey, Murphy" Sarge called out.

"Yes, sir?" he replied. I didn't bother to turn my head to face them.

"You look as fresh as a lettuce today. Had a good time yesterday night?" Sargent joked.

Some other soldiers laughed, "Oh yeah I heard he and a brunette suddenly disappeared from the party yesterday" one of them teased. She left, too?

"Oh, is that so?" Sarge laughed.

"Did she suck well?" Another one joked while moving his hand and tongue to mimic a blowjob. Murphy just laughed at them.

"Like an angel" he teased back.

He looked over at me. I didn't react, I just kept facing forward with a poker face.

"Hey Bartle, how about you? You look stiff as fuck, you should've spent the night like our little Murphy here" Sarge pointed out, patting on my back.

I made a painful expression, the scratches on my back were hurting and burning like a bitch. I immediately composed myself after I remembered Murphy was there, looking at us. I didn't want him to feel bad, I didn't want him to regret any of it.

"Maybe I should've" I replied, still not even giving him a glance.

A few hours later we all gathered to have lunch, we weren't far from the next base we were going to, but we'd probably get there just by night, because we still had to explore a village on Al Tafar on our way there.

Murphy grabbed his lunch and sat in front of me. He was gonna make me talk. I knew he was going to ask something. He definitely was. I knew him.

"Would you mind explaining why you're avoiding me?" he asked.

I wasn't a little teenage pussy who would reply a 'I'm not avoiding you' or a 'it's nothing' to that question. I was honest, and he knew that. That's why he asked me so directly.

"Look, Murph, I feel like you don't feel for me what I feel for you. And you also don't deserve to feel it, as soon as you get out of here I want you to forget everything that happened here and start a new life, with the job you want, the family you want and the happiness you deserve." I said.

He grabbed my face with his hands and immediately kissed me. I widened my eyes. There were other people there... Was he crazy?

He broke out so he could speak, "Are you stupid? The only family I want to start is with you, and when I get a job I want to come home to you. And I want to have kids with you, we can adopt, these children we see out here sometimes get me to think, there are so many orphan kids out there. We could adopt some, as many as you want. But there is no way in hell I'm leaving this behind, leaving you behind. I don't want the army to be part of me, but I don't want to forget about it, and I want the people I met here to be a part of me, I want you to be a part of me. Brandon Bartle, I like you. I really, really do." he said.

I felt my eyes teary. He shouldn't... He couldn't... I couldn't say anything. I opened and closed my mouth to try to say something, but I couldn't manage to get my vocal chords to produce any sound. I was completely frozen.

"Hurry up, boys. We have to keep moving" I heard Sarge warn as he passed by our table.

"Yes, sir!" Murphy replied, now eating his food quickly.

I still couldn't react. I knew avoiding him would just be cruel, now that I was aware of his feelings, but me and him getting together after this... I loved the idea, I wanted it to happen, but maybe Murph wasn't being honest with himself? Maybe he just thinks that due to the situation?

"Bartle." he called me. I still couldn't move, "Bartle!" he repeated louder this time, slapping my face right after.

"Hey! What was that for?" I asked angrily while unconsciously taking a hand to my face to cover the area he hit.

At least I reacted this time, thank you, Murph, for taking me out of that prison called thoughts I was in.

"Bartle, I know what you're thinking, and no, I'm not just saying this out loud for no reason, I've been giving it some thought for the past few weeks, every day... So, please, don't you fucking dare to doubt me, I'm telling you, I know what I feel. And it took me some hell of some balls to get to finally say this out loud to you, so don't react to me like that!" he firmly said.

If that guy had something, it could be anything but insecurities. I've never met anyone as secure as him. Not even myself, who I always thought was secure enough to face everything. Apparently, I got emotionally prepared for everything here in army, everything but Murphy. This guy always catches me off guard, even when I think my guard's on top.

"I-I..." I still couldn't manage to say it. What's fucking wrong with you, Bradon Bartle?

Murphy just half smiled at me, and as soon as he finished his food he got up and ready for the next part of the day, while I just sat there like an asshole who couldn't tell the one he loves that they love him. I was mad at myself.

"I... Like you too, Daniel Murphy..." I whispered to myself while staring at him in the distance.

And as soon as I came back to my senses we were already at the village, leaving a building. Murph wasn't being himself ever since lunch. I made sure to tell him as soon as we got to our base. I knew he was right after me so I didn't bother to look back once we left the building. We headed to find Sargeant and report back.

"Where's Murphy?" he asked once we got close enough.

"What do you mean? He's right he-" I looked back to find an empty alleyway. There were only some soldiers still exploring the area. Where was he?

"Maybe he went to take a piss?" Sarge suggested. I didn't go along with that.

"That doesn't sound like Murph, to leave without saying anything," I said. Sarge nodded, maybe he himself also found it strange.

"Let's go look for him," he said.

"Should I call the other squad members?" I offered.

"No. Let's go just by ourselves. We don't know what we'll find" he said.

We went back to the building where I last saw Murphy, "He was sitting here, looking out of that breach. I think he mentioned something about a woman dressed in black" I said, "but I swear I thought he left right after me" I looked Sargeant in the eyes.

He nodded, "A woman dressed in black...?"

"Yes, sir" I confirmed.

"Did you see her?"

"I did, but I didn't pay attention"

"But if you saw her, could you recognize her?"

"Yes, sir. I think so." I had to.

"Let's go find her," Sarge said, firmly.

We got out of the building and looked for the woman, it didn't take too long to find her looking for something around some smashed wall. Sargeant immediately started talking to her in Arabic or whatever language it was.

"What'd she say?" I asked, impatiently.

"She said she saw a man carrying a young boy that way" he pointed, "that's where we're going."

I followed him immediately. I couldn't afford to lose him now. I couldn't let that happen. We saw a man with a wagon and a donkey, that was our clue. Sarge didn't waste a minute, he started talking to the man. I saw the man pointing somewhere but I couldn't understand what they were saying.

"C' mon, Bartle. Let's go" he said.

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused.

"This man says he found a dead young man a few blocks away from here. He said it wasn't a pretty view. I'm hoping and praying to every god it isn't Murphy." he announced.

I felt my heart squeeze. It wasn't Murphy. It couldn't possibly be Murphy. We headed there and the man pointed out to a wall with some wreckage on the ground. Sarge and I walked over there. We could see a corpse laying on the ground. It looked fresh. We turned the body around to see who it was, and it turns out it was exactly who we were looking for. But the state he was in... Sarge immediately dropped his mouth, causing the cigarette he was holding within is lips to fall. I looked away, trying to hold in my own puke.

"The motherfuckers tried to castrate him" Sarge pointed out, disgusted, angry and frustrated.

Murphy was completely naked, had two X's carved on his closed eyes and on his nipples and his cock cut off. He probably died from agonizing pain or blood loss. That thought didn't leave my mind. And I couldn't even tell him I loved him. He probably died thinking I didn't feel the same for him. We would've started a family... We would've adopted children... He would've gotten a job and get home to me and the kids... He would've earned his own money, he would've made a living on his own. I then thought about his mother's words, "please take care of my boy" she plead, "I will" I said. I will. I didn't keep my word. And that's not what bothered me the most, what did bother me the most was that I couldn't cry. I was in excruciating and unbearable pain inside, but I still couldn't believe it. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't think straight. I was going to tell him once we got to that base. He was going home. He was going to leave the army behind. We both were. He was going to be happy. Moments I had with him couldn't stop flashing on my mind. I tried to say something to Sarge. I couldn't manage.

"Bartle, I..." Sarge spoke up. "I'm sorry." I didn't reply. I couldn't. "I knew what was going on with you two... Everyone did. Everyone saw what happened today at lunch, everyone tought of you as an asshole. But they didn't judge you. How could they? At least you had someone, they didn't." he tried to comfort me, although he only made me feel worse. Why was he even saying all that stuff to me? "But Bartle, trust me, I know that pain, too. I know that pain of losing someone you love and spent every day with. And it hurts, it eats you and burns you inside. And there's no way to escape it. Just accept it and embrace it. It'll all be easier if you do. The next few weeks are gonna be rough, but you'll eventually pull it off. I believe in you, man." he patted my shoulder. I still couldn't move.

" What are we going to do with him?" was all I could manage to say. We couldn't leave him there, but we couldn't bring him back on that state either. The others couldn't see him like that, and his mother couldn't remember him like I would, with that view on her mind.

"We can't take him back like this. Let's say we didn't find him."

"Can we do that?"

"No, but no one needs to know. Just us."

"And what are we going to do with him? We can't leave him here, not like this" I affirmed.

"What do you want to do?" he asked.

"I think... He'd like to be forgotten." Sarge didn't reply to that. I think he was waiting for me to proceed. "Is there a river nearby?" I asked.

"Kind of, it's a few miles from here." He said.

"That's where we're going."

Once we got there I took Murphy in my arms one more time, to carry him into the water. Sarge waited for me on land. I held him just tightly enough so the river wouldn't take him before I let him.

"Murphy, I... I just wanted to say what I didn't have the balls to before, I just wanted to say that I love you. I love you, Daniel Murphy. I always will. And I know you didn't want this to be a part of you and you wanted everyone to forget about you if you ever died out here, but it happens that I never will. I'll never forget you, and this, and you, will always be a part of me. I'm sad to know you didn't leave this world in peace, and instead you died... like this... But know that I promise I will never stop thinking about you, I'll think about you at night, at day light, everyday. Daniel Murphy, I hope you finally find peace up there. I hope you finally find the family you love, the kids you'll adopt and the happiness and peace you deserve. I hope you find yourself. Rest in Peace, please, Daniel Murphy." I held him tight and kissed his forehead before finally letting him go. I looked at him getting further and further away.

I didn't remember being myself ever again after that day, after Murphy. And I couldn't stop thinking about him, everytime I saw anything related to the army, he came into my mind. Everytime I saw a brunette, he came into my mind. Everytime I saw any porn or sex scenes in movies, he came into my mind. Everytime I saw a kid, he came into my mind. Everytime I looked at his mother, he came into my mind. And it all just got worse when I went to jail for attacking a salesman. I tought about him 24/7. We had nothing to entertain ouselves with there, so I couldn't avoid thinking about him every day. And every day Sargeant's words came into my mind, "the next few weeks are going to be rough, but..." he was wrong. He didn't warn me it wouldn't last weeks, it's lasted for years now. Until this very day, I still can't stop thinking about Murphy. Murphy. Murph. Murph. Murph. Murph. Muprh. It's always Murph. And it always will be.

After those few years I spent on jail I felt like I was over it. As soon as I got out I didn't think about him as much. But then his ghost came to haunt me down.

I was walking in a street next to the sea in a sunny day, I had my hat on because of the sunlight. I had let my beard grow, but still didn't allow my hair too long. I passed by a family that seemed very happy, I reminded myself of Murph that day once more. Until Murph reminded himself of me.

"Bartle?" I heard a familiar voice call my name. I froze. It couldn't be. I was allucinating. What did I smoke on that day? I couldn't remember. What creepy dream was it this time? I couldn't turn around, I didn't know what I was going to find if I did.

"Brandon Bartle?" I turned around. I turned around and what I saw was... Heartbreaking. It was Murph. It was our Murphy.

"M... M-m-m-urphy?" he had scars on his eyes, he was holding a brunette woman's hand as well as a blond little girl's, while the woman was holding his and a redhead little boy's hand. They were adopted.

I couldn't believe it. I was happy for him. But at the same time I felt like dying once again. Right when I tought I was over you... There, our little Murphy strikes again, always catching me off guard when I least expect. Motherfucker.

"Bartle!" he took a hand to his mouth, not believing it.

"Daddy, who is it?" the little girl asked, staring at me with a curious look on her face.

"Annie, kids, this is Brandon Bartle, the guy I tell you every day who saved my life" I was still frozen. Save him? What did I do?

"S-s-save you?" I asked.

My mind was running 1001 memories from that day. I remembered everything I didn't want to remember, but saving him? I didn't remember that part.

"Yes! You put me on the river, and it happens that the water was so cold it actually conserved my body. A fisherman then catched me I don't remember where and took me to a hospital. I did have to go through a lot of surgeries, but it happens I didn't die thanks to you." I couldn't manage to answer. I had tears in my eyes. I didn't quite catch what he said, I was too busy thinking about a Murphy guy who once died on me and then came back. Or did he?

"Annie, actually, can you go home with the kids ahead? I think I'll go get a drink with Bartle, is that alright?" Murphy asked.

The woman nodded and the kids said goodbye to Murphy. Murphy took a few steps so he could get closer to me, so he didn't have to speak as loud.

"Bartle, I... I'm sorry, I really am. I didn't know what had gotten into me that day but I wasn't myself. That's what got me to get kidnapped, and the rest you already know. Of course, I spoke of my feelings towards you from the bottom of my heart, and until this very day there was no day I didn't think of you. And I did hear what you told me in the river, and all I have to say is thank you, for remembering I wanted to be forgotten, and I'm sorry, for not trying to reach you sooner. I couldn't. I didn't know how you were, I didn't know if you'd like to see me. But Bartle, I'm here now. And I want you to know you were the person I most intensely loved, to this very day."

I didn't reply. Not right away, but we did exchange numbers and we never lost contact again.

I became myself once again, and Murphy found his peace and happiness, finally leaving the army life behind.

Everyone was happy.

Except that I still loved him.


End file.
